I am sorry you felt that felt you had to cut your life short, it happens to the best of us. I had a family member that actually committed it and passed away four years ago, last week was the anniversary. I can understand what state you have be in to self inflict yourself. Some people don't understand it unless they have been in that space. My compassion goes out to your family as well in this tough time as well. I hope you can pull through, I am sure you can. I wish the best.