Steven Universe The Movie - Review

 Summary:

If you haven't seen the complete series of Steven Universe, the movie is simple enough to understand and summarize the series. Steven is the son of Pink Diamond, one of the four monarchs of Homeworld, a planet of living gemstones. Pink Diamond gave up royalty as the guise of Rose Quartz to escape the abuse and royalty to save the Earth from destruction. Rose Quartz later gave her form for Steven to live. Steven has three gemstones that helped raised him: Amethyst, the free-wielding one, Pearl who was made to serve and now learning to care for herself, and Garnet, who is the marriage of Sapphire and Ruby, which is frowned upon by Homeworld. 

Two years have passed since the last episode "Change your Mind" and Steven is now 16. Litte Homeworld is being built alongside Beach City for the uncorrupted Gems and the off-colors Gems. Lars is working at the Big Donut again and Sadie is continuing the rock band. The four protagonists are happy and don't want a thing to change and that's tempting faith when Spinel (Spin-el) arrives for revenge. She has the rejunivator which 'resets' Garnet, Pearl, and Amethyst. It hits Steven, physically as a human it doesn't affect him but does affect his gem powers. Steven hits Spinel and she reverts to her 'factory settings' of being a clingy best friend.

\Spinel also injected poison into the Earth to kill it off so that's the ticking clock. And four to five characters have lost their memory. Steven, his dad Greg, Lapis, Peridot, and Bismuth try to jog the memory of the gems. In the process, Steven also brings Spinel's memory back and we find out her sad backstory that has to do with Pink Diamond. Steven has had to deal with the mistakes of his mother and Gems trying to kill him. The point of the story is that it will never end. Even though he wanted his happily ever after, he found out his story will continue. 

Review:

This is not what I expected. The whole movie was shrouded in mystery, even down to Spinel's name. I was expecting something direr than Steven just talking down another Gem to a redemption arc. Some fans thought Spinel would be a failed Pink Diamond or Steven had to shatter her.  It was what was expected that Steven would talk and calm down the villain. This one was harder than any other and had more fight in it. I like the conclusion with Spinel staying with the Diamonds. The songs are addictive and stick with you. I loved the fusion of Steven and Greg---Steg. It is sad that we didn't see the most anticipated fusion of all... Peridot and Lapis. You would think if the main 3 gems would be out of the picture, we would get more focus from Bismuth, Lapis, and Peridot. 

Also, I noticed that the treasure box in Lion's mane was open, along with other eagle-eyed fans. There are plenty storylines to still wrap up for a Season six like Jasper, the treasure box, Peridot/Lapis fusion, why Bismuth's look changed and so much more. So Season 6 hasn't officially be announced. Rebecca Sugar is tight-lipped. If the show was over, I guess she would say the show was over. And they would have a 'series finale' like Adventure Time had. Fans are suspecting that season 6 will be the last season. If the movie was the end, it would be a proper sendoff. I would definitely love seeing 'slice of life' episodes of "Little Homeworld" and other new interactions between humans and Gems. So for fans and non-fans, it's good. I was expecting something more Earth-shattering and emotional upheaval and maybe something controversial.  Since Steven Universe is mostly inspired by Anime, this reminds me of Anime movies that are one shots but this continues the story and is a stand alone. 

Star Wars: The Force Awakens Quick Movie Review (Spoilers)

I am not going to take long as there are so many reviews. I saw the movie today to avoid crowds but there was still a crowd, at least there was seating. I wanted to like the movie and I did. I don't like that fans have been saying it is sinking to nostalgia. What else do they expect? With a Star Wars sequel, you are going to get nostalgia. One meme had Star Wars as "to close to the original, I hate it" and another with the New Ghostbusters "too different, I hate it." Anyways, "Forge of Ages" (how my grandnephew Jaiden refers to it) starts out with the narration that everyone is on the hunt for Luke Skywalker. Poe (played my friend's brother Oscar Isaac Hernandez who is Guatemalan-Cuban from Miami, FL where I live and my family is also from Guatemala) and BB-8 get a map from an old man and the First Order (the new bad guys) lay waste. Poe is taken prisoner and saved by Finn (John Boyega), a brainwashed Storm Trooper who decides to desert.

 BB-8 meets our heroine Rey (Daisy Riley). Now here comes the spoilers. They find the Millennium Falcon and run into Han and Chewy, become first friends and go to Yoda-esque Maz Kanata who makes Rey touch Luke's lightsaber, not confirming her parentage but having some connection. Apparently Luke tried making more Jedis and finding the first Jedi temple and his apprentice (who we assume is Han and Leia's son Ben--yes Ben, like Obi Wan) betrayed him. After we re-meet Leia, we are nailed over the head that whiny Kylo Ren (Adam Driver) (or how my dad calls him "Darth Vader") is their son. So Rey is a savant, she has lived in a desert but knows how to fix ships and use the Force.

My favorite Boba Fett-esque character is Captain Phasma (Gwendoline Christie), female commander of Finn and she doesn't get much to do here but supposedly will have more to do in Episode 8. So how does Abrahams do? I have been following him since "Felicity" and I liked a couple of his series, even Lost. He uses lens flares but they aren't as destracting. He does stay in long shots like Lucas. He changes from close ups to long shots, uses steady cam for fight scenes but stays still in regular scenes. CGI is used sparingly, mostly for big creatures. Greg Grunberg has been in almost all his projects and he is part of the Resistance along with his assistant and Ken Leung (from Lost). Simon Pegg of Star Trek cameos as an alien. And Oscar Issac's Ex Machina screen partner Domhall Gleeson plays sexy ginger General Hux. I am not crazy about Supreme Leader Snoke, his look and his overall "Emperor" vibe, I would've liked a smaller guy like Maz Kanata.

Anyway, as for the death, I approve, we all knew it was coming, it just didn't have the emotion and potency it needed. I think Ford did a good effort but didn't do 100 %. Also Driver seemed more like an angst-y teenager. Riley and Boyega did good efforts. I am not crazy that Boyega is British but did an African-American accent slang. Driver did a British-esque accent and Hernandez has his native a Miami-accent. Also, I like that you see females everywhere: in the Resistance, First Order, in bars and other places. Leia is not only the female in the Universe anymore. I agree some of the plot points are similar to "A New Hope" but they put them in different order, mood (death scene) and fresh takes.



Big Hero Six - Movie Review

May Contain Spoilers

A short summary of this movie is that Hiro (Supah Ninja's Ryan Potter) is a 13 year-old genius loses his genius brother Tadashi (Male Model Daniel Henney) who invented Baymax (30 Rock's Scott Adsit), a med robot and seeks to stop a mysterious man in a kabuki mask who seems to have stolen his own invention. Tadashi went to a technology university with colorful friends who become Hiro's teammates like tough chick GoGo (Jamie Chung), Follow-the-rules Always-in-order Wasabi (New Girl's Damon Wayans Jr.), goofy dreamer Fred (Silicon Valley's T.J. Miller), and Manic Pixie Dream Girl Honey Lemon (Miami's Genesis Rodriguez). The sidekicks come off one-dimensional without a lot of depth. We first see Fred only in a comical manner so when we first see him serious, it looks ingenue. 

Baymax is a well-meaning A.I. fish-out-of-water huggable and lovable character, an innocent. When we first meet Hiro, he is doing illegal gambling in robot battles and Tadashi is his protective older brother that only wants the best for him. The whole movie is an ode to Japanese culture (Hiro has a Mazinger Z clock in his bedroom), set in the fictional San Franstokyo. It is the usual coming-of-age story with the Disney tropes of loosing a love one. It is a bit over-kill that Hiro has lost his parents and then his brother. The story is a bit predictable. The villain is hinted upon to be the millionare Alistair Krei (Suburgatory's Alan Tudyk), I had a feeling the characters would think it would be him and they did and then I knew it wouldn't be him. And there you go.

 

Hiro convince/tricks Baymax and his friends in a different manners to become the team. For Baymax, he tells him to capture the kabuki mask guy would make him happy. He tells the gang all they are doing is taking off the mask of the villain-which controls the robots that Hiro made and were stolen. But what Hiro later becomes obsessed with is revenge and almost kills. Well, he wants Baymax to kill and it gets deliciously dark. Of course being a Disney film, he learns his lesson quickly and changes his mind. But there is that duality there with him and the villain, here are the spoilers:

FOR SURE SPOILERS

The villain of course ends up being Hidashi's mentor and he wants revenge on Alistair for losing his daughter in  failed experiment. But when Hiro asks Callaghan about Hidashi, he says it was his own fault, not seeing the irony in that Hiro lost his brother and wants revenge and he wants the same thing--he wants his daughter back. If you seen the movie, you know that Hiro and Baymax end up saving his daughter and bringing her back. The movie could had done in two directions: Callaghan could have gotten Hiro on his side by convincing him Callaghan started the fire and get revenge for Hidashi on Callaghan as well. The second direction could had been that Callghan could had egged on Hiro more so about the loss of his brother in order to drive him to the edge of committing a double suicide-kind of thing but of course, that's way too dark for Disney but has happened in Pixar's Incredibles.

Conclusion

Anyway, the movie is funny and great but has noticeable flaws. As for cameos and in-jokes, there are references to Kajuu (Godzilla-like monsters like Fred's costume), giant robos (like the aforementioned Mazinger Z), Sentai (masks in Fred's room) and other Anime (Samurai Pizza Cats in the end credits). I don't want to be a total negative person, it is a pretty movie but is it better than Frozen? It's like comparing apples and oranges. But is it better than Meet the Robinsons, Bolt and Chicken Little? Lightyears.

Dark Knight Rises Review

I didn't read any spoilers before seeing the movie so this article is only for those who say the movie.

SPOILERS
See this movie!

 I might be morbid but I can't help but think that this is the last movie that the victims of the shooting saw or were going to watch. So many issues of gun use ran through my head while watching the movie. Even Selena Kyle (Anne Hathaway) comments to Batman that she doesn't get his non-gun use. So if you saw the movie you know the basic plot: Bruce is disillusioned and a broken shell of a man until robbed by Kyle. He slowly starts 'getting back in the game' only to loose all his money in the stock market thanks to Bane, pupil of Ra's Al Ghul (Liam Neeson, who made a cameo) and crazy motherfucker. He gets terrorists and take over the city after beating up Batman. Bruce is sent to a prison where he heard tale of a child who climbed up the well-like prison and assumes it is Bane. With a three times is a charm in a long spiraling story, Bruce goes through his own spiritual and physical journey and somewhat metamorphosis.

 I cried in the scene where Alfred is saying goodbye to Bruce, pleading for him to leave the Bat Cowl but Bruce refuses. Alfred talks about raising Bruce and hearing his baby cries at night echoing in the halls. Joseph Gordon Levitt is also a delight as hot shot police officer that figured out Bruce's identity because of his own orphaned past and close-up encounters with both Bruce and Batman. The only mistake (and I don't notice that many when I watch movies) I noticed in the movie was a minor glitch where Bruce's hand moves on his cane when first talking to Fox (Morgan Freeman) about the company. There were plenty of 'duh' moments and 'I expected that' but it is sort of excusable. Hathaway and Bale have electric chemistry and great banter. Some great one-liners. The 'challenge of soul and body' is a bit trite and overplayed and is manipulative but the harsh realism is what gets to me. C. Murphy also makes a cameo, marking his appearance in all three movies. 

I didn't get the title of the movie until I saw it. Dark Knight was the name of the last movie so 'Rises' felt like a redundant add-on but after seeing the movie, I get it. You can't top Heath Ledger's Joker but Tom Hardy's Bane is smart and lethal (even though he sounds like Patrick Stewart on helium on times or hard to understand). Joseph Gordon Levitt does a great job and half way through the movie, I already figured out the ending. As for Bruce Wayne's 'death,' the woman next to me was crying loudly and I was like... 'really?' Anyway, the movie had that awesome pay-back with Alfred spotting a familiar couple at the end of the movie. I didn't like much the actress who played Miranda (Marion Cotillard), she can play damsel in distress but not evil seductress. Matthew Modine as Foley look a bit like Harvey Dent from far away that it got confusing at times. Anyway, awesome end to the trilogy!

Amazing Spider-Man Review

 My close friend revealed she reads these so she probably already know what I am going to say as I saw the movie with her. She saw it twice but I'm the kind of guy that once is suffice. This movie is worth seeing, it is fun, tear-full, intimate, and dark. As the first Sam Raimi's movies were a bit cheerful and glossy. My friends call it campy but I don't consider it as campy as "Batman and Robin" with Arnold S. This Spider-Man is a bit grounded in reality even though there is gene-splicing, changing rats into lizards and other stuff that nature. Anyway, we get the origin story again but told in an unique way. This time Peter Parker's dad is involved and was developing experiments with animals to cure diseases along with Dr. Connors (Rhys Ifans). They worked for Oscorp (Norman Osbourne is mentioned only in name).

 Peter is given to his aunt and uncle when his parents mysteriously go missing after their house is broken in to. Andrew Garfield is absolutely charming as Peter Parker, I love his stammer and he just exudes sex. He is so lanky but also cool-acting. Whereas Toby Maguire played Peter as a stereotypical nerd, Andrew's Peter is more of a loner, he gets beat up and plenty, but he withstands it. He is a skater-boy (so nimble!). Oh he has an ass that just doesn't quit. Even Jon Stewart commented on Andrew's butt on the Daily Show. In Sam Raimi's movie, as soon as Spider-Man became Spider-Man, it was a big news thing, everyone loved him. Not so here. It is treated more realistically. The chief of police (Dennis Leary) calls him for what he is--a boy out for revenge but not yet a hero. So Peter stays in school and not working for the newspaper so no Jameson. But he is still a photographer and we do have bully Flash (Chris Zylka). Emma Watson is also charming as Gwen Stacy, she is smart and sweet, her big doe-eyes communicate a lot and she has the comedic chops. At first I wasn't for having big names as Martin Sheen and Sally Field but I admit I like their experience, it makes any quick scenes feel longer and more organic.

 

SPOILERS

 Spoiler Alert but many things of the first Sam Raimi movie happens here as well that are part of the origin story. Of course Uncle Ben dies but this time instead dropping Peter at a wrestling match, they are having a fight and Peter ran away. Ben looks for him and Peter goes to buy milk but doesn't have enough money. So Ben is killed by a criminal that robs the store where the employee refused Peter. Peter never quite gets the guy but he tries, he keeps chasing criminals to get to the guy. The chief of police is Gwen's dad which was already revealed in the trailers, one of my friends watching the movie actually seemed surprised. The movie is not without its obvious plot twists. Gwen works for Ozcorp and I wondered why because while in most of the movie, she seems to have no purpose other than just be a romantic interest and confidant. But eventually the purposes seem clear. My friends liked that Spider-Man was more 'spider' like and super strong. He wraps Lizard in a cocoon in one bit. For me, this is a mostly Peter Parker film, it is that personal.

I didn't like the abrupt change of Dr. Connors/Lizard, it was not so clear that he had changed to wanting everyone to be lizards. I also don't like the shadows of Green Goblin, where Dr. Connors seems to have a split-personality. He quickly wants to kill Spider-Man. But I understand why they had to do it. Also, I absolutely hated the bug-eyed Rajit Ratha (Irrfan Khan), who Lizard wants revenge on. I think we are meant to feel for him, but it is hard to. Poor Peter, he looses four people. He is bloody almost the whole movie. Which is just great entertainment. I dug it.

Magic Mike Movie Review

 Directed by Steven Soderbergh and starring Channing Tatum as Mike, Matthew McConaughey as Dallas (the owner and father figure), Alex Pettefyr as Adam and Cody Horn as Adam's sister Brooke. Xquisite is a club that showcases a strip show for women. Where as female strippers are on poles and strip all the way down, these men give out a show in bright lights and music and just end up in G-strings. Adam meets Mike at a construction job and is quickly fired and sees Mike again at a club and is quickly thrusted into stripping giving him lots of money and ability to be with any woman, which gets to his head. Mike is the real star as he wants to be an entrepreneur making handmade furniture out of junk but struggles in his effort. He has a slow building but obvious romance with Brooke as he has his sex buddy Joanna (Olivia Munn) who they have threesomes with.

 Set in Tampa, Florida, their ultimate goal is have a club in Miami. We meet the other strippers Joe Manfaniello (True Blood), Matt Bomer (White Collar), Adam Rodriguez (CSI Miami) and Kevin Nash but we barely get to know them as characters. Either I am not used to Soderbergh's style or the script by Reid Carolin is merely a sneak peak into a person's life than the traditional mainstream narrative. Not to get super spoilerly but is a threat involved but I barely feel the threat. Things are said but we don't see it. And we never get to see Miami, it would been nice to see that. Channing carries the movie. I went to see the movie with my girlfriends and one said it as a bad porno with bad acting. She said she got what she paid for as she wanted just eye candy. And there is plenty of eye candy.

Straight boyfriends might be concerned that this movie is only for straight women and gay guys but it gives equal opportunity to all. Men might sympathize and relate to Mikes problems or Adam's over-zealousness. There are plenty of breasts (three pairs at least), all the men show their butts (Channing most of all) and we see a penis in the corner of the screen for a few seconds---most likely a stunt 'cock.' We see the shows but I wish we saw more of the other shows as the majority of them are in a montage and the shows we see more in full are Mike's and as a group. Rumor is Channing and Soderbergh are planning on a Broadway show but not sure if they want to be a musical. I think if this was a musical movie, it would had blown "Rock of Ages" out of the water. I felt like singing was missing. Matthew does plenty of it, but Tom Cruise's singing gives more to desire.

 

In the end, it is an entertaining movie but for my taste, I would have liked more to happen and more character development from the other actors. But like I say, the movie is more of a sneak-peak in a person's life, it is not a normal plot---it is just a vignette. But just like the women that go to their shows in the movie, in real life group of women go see this movie and swoon.

Avengers Film Review

Avengers Review

It has been a long while since I've done a Movie Review. I've been looking forward to this movie ever since it was announced Joss Whedon was directing. Congrats to Marvel and Disney for allowing to Whedon (creator of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Firefly, Serenity, Dollhouse, Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog, one time writer for the X-Men comics, Buffy & Angel comics and also producer of The Cabin in the Woods) to co-write and direct this movie. I rarely say 'epic' in describing any superhero movie. Dark Knight was a fantastic movie but I wouldn't use the word 'epic.' I would say a 'comic superhero masterpiece' for Dark Knight. Now, the Avengers aren't widely known as Batman and Superman but I surprised at the lines waiting to see the movie and box office sales. It has been through word of mouth that it was good that people went to see. Plus, the success of Iron Man and cult audiences of Captain America and Thor that helped it. Marvel had the brilliant idea to release the Captain America and Thor films last year and then put them all together.

 Basic Plot: Dysfunctional egoistical 'superfreaks' are joined together (somewhat) to fight an alien army led at Loki (Tom Hiddleson), the adoptive blacksheep brother of Thor. The lighting god that has been called 'pointbreak' and 'shakespeare in the park', Thor is portrayed by Chris Hemsworth. Chris Evans plays Steve Rodgers/Captain America, the once scrawny but now super-solider from World War II that was frozen and awoke to find all he knew was gone. Robert Downey Jr. reprises Tony Stark/Iron Man from his past two movies (Iron Man first came out in 2008), the snarky jackass millionaire. Mark Ruffalo takes over the role of Bruce Banner from Eric Bana (in Ang Lee's 2003 fair) and Edward Nurton (in 2008 film The Hulk) with a quiet but wary turn. The Hulk is seen scarcely and is a crowd-pleaser, the problem with the failure of the last two Hulk films was that there was too much of the monster and a movie just about the anti-hero is not enough. Scarlett Johnansen as Russian spy Natasha/Black Widow and Samuel L. Jackson's Nick Fury get more screen time in this film, having previously being introduced in the Iron Man films. Jeremy Renner plays Hawkeye, the archer, who got a cameo in Thor gets turn to the bad side by Loki along with a doctor character from Thor.

 Most of the time the team is separated and for good reason because at the end of the film, it is a thrill to see them all together. These seven just can't seem to get along and Loki knows that. Like Joss Whedon said in an interview, it is putting lead characters of their own movies in one movie that don't belong together. It has also been seen as an analogy of the United States in interviews, that all of them are lonely by themselves and have their own agendas but in time of crisis, must come together. The best parts in the film are when they clash with each other like Thor vs. Iron Man or Thor vs. Captain America or Cap vs. Iron Man or even the Hulk vs. everyone else.'Hulk Smash' indeed. Like any Joss Whedon film, there are plenty laughs and great one-liners. Some might regard this as a popcorn film but I feel it has the statement of community and also it is very in depth. Joss Whedon doesn't serve 'fan service' but he is such a well-crafted writer and storyteller, each character gets adequate screen time and callbacks. If you haven't seen any of the previous movies, you don't have to but I do recommend seeing at least one. And it isn't necessary to see all of them, but it is a thrill to see references to each film.

All in all, it is a great film. One of Joss' greats. And it is fun flick. Probably not recommended for young children for the innuendo, bad language and lots and lots of violence. But that goes with any action filck. Hiddleson as Loki goes buck wild as the crazy Loki, finding 'freedom' in slavery and saying humanity was meant to subjugate. Some say Scarlett doesn't have enough to do in the film, but I find her character refreshing. Most lone girls in teams are the 'heart' of the team and overly feminine, but here she kicks ass and takes names but still pulls the team together and shows a strong woman. Joss is always about strong women. And common Joss tropes in this film are witty one-liners, callbacks, a fun character dying, a portal, a shady governing organization and a count-down list of all the major players to the villain. As a gay fan, there are plenty of butt shots. Most directors cut the shots from the hero's head to waist. Joss delightfully cuts it at the feet or knees so you can seen butt. I know he doesn't do this on purpose. All the men are delightful to look at.

Tony Stark is the bad boy, the snarky jackass, good to one lay, he looks dirty but he's smart. Captain America, my favorite, is the clean cut All-American. Some say he is idealistic but the whole cast and crew see him as the most cynical. Thor has the long blonde hair and big arms and beefiness, not exactly my type but I see the appeal. Bruce Banner, not my type on paper but Mark Ruffalo brings this sinister and playfulness at the same time with a smile or a quip. Jeremy Renner is really hot as Hawkeye, his arms are so vascular and those dreamy blue eyes and that steel-look. Jeremy also looks hot when he was brainwashed. Anyway all the men are hot in their own ways and bring something to the table, as their personality counterparts.

In defense of Chiprecked on DVD

 I didn't see Chiprecked in theaters, I am seeing it on DVD, it is third of the trilogy. There has been bad reviews on this movie, that is just for the money and only kids will like. I know kids will definitely like this movie. I don't think ti is too bad, it is a bit like Finding Nemo, in which the father and children have a fight and then are split up and have surrogate parent and child. The Chipmunks, Chipettes and Dave are on a ship and when Alvin disobeys Dave, they end up on a kite-thing and float away to an island. Dave goes after them with Ian (David Cross)--who was the villain in the last movies and now works for the ship. Dave ends up with Ian and Ian isn't really a surrogate child, even though he acts like a child. The Chipmunks get a surrogate parent, in the wild and kind of irresponsible and jewel-crazy Zoe (Jenny Slate).

 

Jenny Slate has been a background character for SNL and Jimmy Fallon and VH1 and she has to act half the movie with invisible characters and she is really bad at it. When she has something to look at, she looks like she is looking at the object, not the invisible character. What helped Who Framed Roger Rabbit was Bob Hopskins, he sold it. She auctions it off on eBay. In defense of the movie, it has a common emotional thread in which Simon becomes responsible to more adventurous and brave; Alvin goes from irresponsible to responsible. The Chipmunks had the strict Dave and then the more free-willing parent. I like those parts. Zoe going crazy for treasure not so much. Nor the annoying Ian. I liked the first movie, hated the sequel (seeing them in high school wasn't fun and the chipettes were not developed).

 

The Chipettes had more personality in the 80's cartoon, here they seem to go with group mentality. In the cartoon, Britney was self-absorbed, fought with Alvin and was fame-hungry; Eleanor was shy but the sweet one and a cook; and Jeannette was the smart and shy one. Eleanor and Jeanette differed from Theodore and Simon because Simon was all smart but Jeanette was more shy and unsure of herself. Eleanor kept things to herself. Jason Lee actually does a great job as Dave, since he was mostly absent for the sequel, I feel like there was more closure with Dave. Hearing their voices a lot is kind of annoying mid-way through the movie. The Dave-Chipettes relationship is interesting but unexplored, when talking to Ian, he only mentions the Chipmunks and when he has to reprimand them, it comes a bit cold.

Teeth Movie Review

 This movie came out in 2007, even though not a straight out horror movie, it is still a movie that has plenty of gore. Dawn (the brilliant Jess Weixler) starts out as a teen speaker for abstinence and has a purity ring. She lives with her mom and step dad and evil step brother. Brad (Nip/Tuck's John Hensley) starts out like a bad person, someone who resents his step-mother, who actually wanted his father to cut him some slack. Of course things go wrong, Dawn was born with teeth in her Vagina and never knew. She later finds out about the myth of Vagina Detana. As soon as she meets Toby, its love t first sight, they want to act on their urges but try to suppress it but eventually get to the point where they are about to have sex in a cave. Dawn has second thoughts and he aggressively pushes her on a rock, knocking her semi-unconscious. When he proceeds to rape her, her teeth come out and bite off his penis. She leaves and when she returns tot he scene, she finds out that his jeep is still there, his bit-off penis has a crab on it and he died, probably because of blood loss and shock.

 

Dawn gets plenty of bulling and harassing from kids at school, which I think is a bum-wrap. I wish there was one movie that had teenagers with purity rings and Chasity and didn't end up loosing it before marriage and breaking their pledge. I am as liberal as you can get but it is totally true that Hollywood and indie movies don't show the positive side of teenage virginity. I didn't do it on purpose but I remained a virgin through high school and it wasn't bad. Anyway, Dawn's mom gets really sick and her brother Brad doesn't seem to do a thing about it. Dawn takes her to the hospital. Her dad sends her home but home sucks with brad and his girlfriend fighting. Dawn freaks out and goes to this other boy Ryan, a loser who wanted to be with her. She tells him about the teeth, he doesn't believe her but seduces her with pills and ends up having sex with her, sans teeth. She is so happy that the next day she has sex with him again and finds out mid-coitus, the asshole has the audacity to admit he had a bet he could bang her on the phone with a friend. 

So she learns to use her 'adaption' for revenge and cuts his off, but he doesn't die, he goes to the hospital to have it re-attached. My favorite line in the movie: "Some Hero." Dawn then goes to the hospital to see her mom and finds out she died. Dawn's step-dad Bill goes home and kicks Brad out, Brad sicks his dog Mother on him. Bill and Brad's girlfriend are found by Dawn at the hospital and she finds out Brad knew her mom was in danger and didn't do anything and also what Brad did to Bill so she goes back home determined. She seduces him, since before he flirted with her and said he always loved her, in a lustful way. He knew she bit him but then realizes that it wasn't with her mouth teeth. When he is inside of her, he figures it out but it is too late, his penis is gone. Dawn gets off the bed and drops it on the floor and his dog eats it. She leaves him crying in pain. Dawn hitchhikes and ends up with an evil old man asking for sex. She just smiles.

Great movie, a great study and great performance by Jess. But it is not a movie for those teenagers with purity rings, it might freak out teenage girls that no nothing about sex. It is more for people who have had sex and know more about the world. A vagina is nothing to be afraid of, even though that might be the movie's intent, it might get misconstrued by younger audiences. As for the gore: we see cut off penises, we see blood, and we see men with bloody stumps. As for nudity: We see her breasts, we see Toby's butt, some random guy butts, and three detached synthetic penises (not before) and we see no vagina, we just see one detached tooth. I like that she becomes more powerful and it is about growing up. Other reviewers say that this movie challenges gender norms and I don't see that way, I see it crossing a line in the sand between the binary because basically every man Dawn has sex with, looses their penis or in the case of her va-jay-jay doctor--his fingers. Now, does the message say that all men are bad? No, I mean, her step-dad is a nice guy and a sympathetic character. It is a fun watch and funny, maybe or maybe not on purpose. I think it is on purpose but it is not ha-ha funny, it's a dark humor.

Harry Potter and Deathly Hallows Movie Review

SPOILER HEAVY

I have yet to see Part 1 and Part 2 back to back, but I did see Part 1 a few weeks ago and Part 2 this week. I read the book back in 2007 and the first movie covered more than half of the book. And the second mostly covers the war on Hogwarts, with the beginning the infiltration of Gringotts. The first part has the comical bits and pieces, especially the sneaking into the Ministry, but it is mostly a slow-moving sleepy movie. The part that stands out the most is the part that wasn't from the books.. Harry dancing with a depressed Hermione. Hermione stands out mostly in the first part, with Emma Watson's great acting.

The most inspiring scene is where Hermione has to wipe out her parents' memories, which was mentioned in the book but wasn't a scene. Slight liberties were taken out of the movie like Wormtail's fate (in the book, his hand kills him but he is just disarmed by Doby in the movie) and other little things. Minor details that do get this Potter fan is it is not explained how Hagrid ends up with the Deatheaters and Lupin and Tonks' kid. It is interrupted by Moody like in the book-their announcement but their relationship is barely touched upon in the movies and all of the sudden Harry mentions their son in the second part of the movie. But oh well, they assume major fans would know. But many fans have just seen the movies and not read the books.

The second part is a great Harry Potter movie, it is emotional, full of action and you feel everything come to a big conclusion and not like a weak conclusion to an eight season TV series. Most Sci-Fi TV series that end by the 7th or 9th year, most of the original cast has disappeared and they are barely out of money for big special effects but the battle on Hogwarts feels epic and you get to see a lot of old loved characters, actors all grown up like Seamus Finnigan, Lavender, Cho Chang, Dean Thomas and Parvati Patil. Cormac McLaggen appeared in the first part but not seen with the Dumbledore's Army in the second. Also in the book, Draco has his two minions Crabbe and Goyle. Goyle appears but Crabbe doesn't and it is because the actor Jamie Waylett had Marijuana problems. So they used Blaise Zabini (Louis Cordice), a minor Black character from Half-Blood Prince.

It is not explained where Crabbe is and nor who Blaise is so it looks like a random black guy appears. In the book Crabbe conjures fire and dies, in this Goyle does it and dies and Blaise survives. There is very little room for funny stuff, there is a couple of giggles here and there. One big giggle is Harry carried by Hagrid (thinking he is dead0, he drops on the floor to reveal he is alive. You'd expect he to jump and be gallant but ah, Harry, the boy who lived, a.k.a. the Chosen One, trips, which is real cool, that not even our semi-invulnerable hero is not above being a butt of jokes. A great end to a great Octology (Eight movies?).

Related: http://spanengrish.blogspot.com/2007/07/harry-potter-and-deathly-hallows-review.html

Bad Teacher Movie Review

I saw this movie a week and a half ago, Cameron Diaz plays a irresponsible and gold digging moral compass-impaired woman who is dumped by her rich fiancee and forced to work at a middle school. Her rival (Lucy Punch) steals the show with her energy and comic timing. Cameron's character Elizabeth never learns her lesson and we don't know who to root for. I think it would had been better if we were to root for her downfall. I miss the days of Cameron Diaz in "There's Something About Mary," her smile and winning laugh, which can't help her out of this. Justin Timberlake brilliantly doesn't break character in a sub teacher, heir to a big company who needs a clue (and a towel after pre-cumming during a dry hump fest). Phyllis Smith ("The Office") is cute and sweet, the movie is really funny but it seems the director leaves us out in sea with this dark comedy. I was more concerned about the children there at the R-rated movie, they probably went for Gibby (Noah Munck) of iCarly who says 'shit' in the movie. They now probably think they can get away with crazy things without consequences, not understanding the movie is a dark comedy and subversive.

Bridesmaids Movie Review

A delightful and funny bust-out comedy, with the director Paul Fieg ("The Office", "Arrested Development" and played Mr. Eugene Pool in "Sabrina the Teenage Witch") with a script written by Kristen Wiig and Annie Mumulo. Kristen Wiig plays Annie, who has the task of being her childhood friend Lillian's (Maya Rudolph) maid of honor. We barely see Lillian's groom to be Dougie (Tim Heidecker of Tim and Eric). My best friend says she feels something is missing without Eric around. Tim barely speaks. Anyway, Annie lost all her money in her dream bakery and lost her boyfriend and is now living with two fat weirdo siblings and working at a jewelry store, having to see happy couples. She butts heads with Lillian's new friend Helen (Rose Byrne) who seems to be perfect at everything. She meets Officer Nathan (Chris O'Dowd) who is Irish but they never mention it, just about his accent. Of course when we first meet him, we know that they are going to get involved but the journey is interesting, he is an interesting and fully fleshed out character.

The men don't get much talking. Most of the roles are filled by comedians in this movie. Other than Tim Heidecker, Andy Buckley (David Wallace of "The Office") plays Helen's husband but gets zero lines. Supposedly he is Dougie's employer. Anyway, that's not important. What is important are the scene stealing Bridesmaids, a good mix: Wendi McLendon-Covey (Reno 911) as Rita, Lillian's cousin; Elie Kemper (The Office) as Becca, Lillian's young newlywed co-worker and the super talented Melissa McCarthy as Megan, Dougie's sister. Everything manages to go wrong for Annie, to not say much: the engagement party speech outranking, bridesmaid dress fitting becomes a diarrhea-laugh-o-rama, bacholerette party airplane trip to Las Vegas gone awry because of Annie's plane-obia and Helen's backstabbing one-upswomanship.

At 2 hours and 5 minutes, the movie is really a heart-felt movie, also with laugh-out-loud gross-out scenes and lots of cursing, but it has well-written dialogue that you must listen to but also has a lot of sympathy. Annie is really at a crossroads, when she thinks that things can't go bad, they do and sadness does become dark but like any heroine, she gets out of her funk. By the end of the movie, not all her problems are solved and the end does make one believe that this world will continue and she will find happiness and fulfill her dreams, like all of us. Ah yes and I must mention Jon Hamm as her fuck buddy who is a jerk. I know people find him hot, but to me and my friend, not much. Shirtless, he is pale and full of birthmarks and kind of chubby. The movie opens up with her and him fucking around and then her doing the walk of shame.

She wears heart earrings in the movie, I pay attention so much to props and details. She wears heart earrings in the normal and devastating moments of the movie. In some pivotal scenes, she wears round circle earrings. In the scene where she has sex with Nathan, where she makes up with Lillian and in the final wedding scene where she wears pearl earrings.

Piranha 3-D

Piranha 3D came out in theaters this summer, but on Blu-Ray and DVD today. I hadn't seen it, it is a remake. There is plenty of jump out of your face gimmicks that when not in theaters in 3D, it just looks ridiculous on regular TV. The plot to the movie is basically like a Syfy Channel Saturday movie. Prehistoric piranhas ruin Spring Break for porn director (Jerry O'Connell), a young teenager Jake (Vampire Diaries' Steven R McQueen), and his sheriff mother (Elizabeth Shue comeback). Elizabeth Shue should have done something better. While the movie started out like a SyFy movie but when the Piranhas come in and eat everyone up, it amps up, with really great graphics and extreme gore.

Buckets of blood were used in this movie. There are some good deaths, but unfortunately most of them are women. I like it when it is a decent ratio, when men get real good on-screen deaths, but most of theirs are off-screen. Nude women get the majority of the big deaths. Jerry O' Connell's character is just a big jerk like in all these horror movies and his bottom half is eaten out. His character's severed penis are all flung out of the screen. Adam Scott (Party Down and Parks and Recreation) gets a small part as a dude who helps the Sherriff but acts like an action star, swinging unto a speed boat and jumping into another boat. There is a cameo by Richard Dyrfus from Jaws fame in the beginning of the movie and a memorable cameo by Christopher Lloyd, which is just hilarious. Also in two instances where men go to women for help, they call them bitches or whores and then are then eaten.

The freights are what to be expected, just to startle you and the gore is just gore-a-licious. Some good moments. The movie is not horrible, it is really what you would expect out of these movies and even though the script isn't self-aware, the actors sure are, they take it lightly as they should. Jessica Szhor (Gossip Girl, above) is vibrant in her role as Jake's love interest. As for shirtless guys, we got Jerry O' Connell, Steven R McQueen, Adam Scott and other Spring Breakers. As for nude women, plenty of them, but not Jessica, sorry dudes. Oh yeah, and even though there are children in the movie, it doesn't mean the movie is for children, way too traumatizing even for the toughest kid. And the ending was ruined by a trailer, but pretty much leaves it open to a sequel. The Blu-Ray comes with deleted storyboards, deleted scenes and director's commentary. The commentary is interesting because the director is Alexandre Aja and French and his voice is very soothing.

Disney's Tangled Review

I have loved the Rapunzel story since I was a kid, mainly because it hadn't become a Disney movie yet, but secretly did want it to become one. I have been anticipating this movie for a while, and so have been one of my friends. This movie started out as a story of a boy and girl from modern times stuck in the story, but Disney wisely thought to go back. To lure the boys and avoid the low box office of The Princess and the Frog, they focused more on the man. In the original Grimm tale, the man was a prince and Rapunzel was stolen because of stolen radishes. The witch here has been turned into Mother Gothel, who has no powers. A magical regenerative flower was found by old Gothel. Rapunzel's mother was sick while pregnant and was fed the flower, giving Rapunzel magic golden hair with said powers. Gothel stole Rapunzel and used her power every day to become younger, cheating life. Rapunzel has to sign in order for her hair to glow.

The movie has beautiful animation, using new technology that lets combine hand drawing (digital pens) with computer animation. It is inspired by the Rococo paintings of French artist Jean-Honore Fragonard, supervised by Glenn Keane (producer)---who is responsible for Ariel and the Beast. So, the love interest is Flynn Rider (Zachary Levi), who is a thief, not a prince, he steals the Princess crown. Rapunzel's royal parents send off flying lanterns in the air every birthday of hers and she seen them and wonder what they are and longs for them. Donna Murphy (Mother Gothel) does a great job. The songs aren't all that great, they are composed by Alan Menken, but doesn't have the flair the movies of the early 90's had---(I know everyone compares everything to The Little Mermaid), but what is missing is Howard Ashman. There truly is no other like him. But they gotta find one. Because the songs don't move the story, they state stuff we already know.

I went with my best friend, who I know will read this eventually and she says she got swept into the story. The movie is funny and the story is good, you feel it is a developed world, these characters will continue. Flynn as a hero gets knocked out all that easily. Flynn is rather sexy comes a long way since the Prince in Snow White; male animators have always have had trouble with the 'Prince.' Even though it has been reported it was hard with Prince Eric, prince Eric of the Little Mermaid is a pretty memorable Prince by many who grown up with the movie. Many ASFR and Male Knock Out fans will love what happens with Flynn. Rapunzel doesn't back down, she has a love-hate relationship with Gothel, a psychological abusive relationship. Rapunzel doesn't need saving from Flynn but does save herself and him. One thing I have to commend the producers and writers with is that you can feel the progression of romance between Flynn and Rapunzel, there are memorable scenes with them that show progression of them falling in love---much much better than those in The Princess and the Frog.

The romance between the heornie and hero in The Princess and the Frog felt forced. Mandy Moore does a great job as Rapunzel, she was a pop singer and has an awesome voice and she is a good actress so did a great scene. Basically, the movie is funny and the characters are memorable. Okay, here is the SPOILERS: I didn't like how Gothel died. I felt she could have lived, that Rapunzel could have left her, I hate this trend of villains falling to their death in Disney movies (Gaston from Beauty and the Beast, the cat in Cinderella, Mufasa in Lion King, the priest dude from The Hunchback from Notre Dame, and so many others).